Mr Congeniality
by kaysayyy
Summary: Dirk tries his best to impress Jake by becoming a girl.


You are now talking to Jake English, your best friend in the whole world. You swear that you two always talk for hours and hours online just about the most random stuff. Last time you both were talking about if either Neytiri or Rainbow Dash would win in a one-on-one battle. That conversation just ended with you both agreeing that it would be a equal fight and no one would win, of course you still believe that a Sonic Rainboom would beat spears anyday.

Right now however you're now telling Jake about your newest project that you're making, a real life size robot of yourself! Right now, it's nowhere near completed you only have the upperhalf of the body completed and you still need to make the memory disk. Man oh man this is going to be awesome, Jake is going to love it. You do have to admit that you do kind of, um, have a crush on Jake but you don't want him to know that. You're not exactly quite sure if he would return the feels back to you or not. You'd like to keep this a secret for now until the time is right. The true intentions of you making this robot or rather "Brobot" is for it to be a present for Jake so that he can have someone to fight with on that tiny island of his. You figured that if he fights enough with Brobot that he'll become a ruthless killing machine. Talk about hot.

GT: Wow dirk that's very impressive i might say!

TT: Thanks Jake, the whole robot will be done as soon as possible I'm hoping.

TT: Making this fucking memory disk is taking longer than I originally thought. It's fucking glitching all over the place.

TT: I doubt that he can remember shit right now.

GT: Haha well dont worry lad! Im sure that youll manage to get it done in a jiffy.

GT: Im kind of curious though why did you only make the brobot for me?  
GT: I bet that either roxy or jane would like to have one too.

TT: Oh hell nah. The Brobot is only designed purely for fighting and increasing strength.

TT: I bet Roxy and Jane wouldn't be too delighted to have some Brobot burning down their houses or some shit like that.

TT: You're probably the only one who could handle that sort of fucker coming around and fucking with all your shit.

TT: Plus I know that Jane's Dad would probably throw a shitfit if something like that just came and burnt down all of his precious pipes from his own collection.

GT: Haha i see! So this brobot is just going to come and FUCK MY SHIT now is it?

TT: Yes exactly, that is the plan.

GT: Wow dirk you really know how to win a win a guys heart do you?

GT: *Puts hand over head and swoons*

TT: Of course, that is my specialty.

GT: Man dirk i swear if you were a girl i'd fancy you right now!

Wait what did he say. If you were a girl? Those words just stabbed you right through the stomach and you're unsure how to take them out. They just keep ringing in your head "if you were a girl, if you were a girl, if you were a girl..." You just stare at the computer for what seemed like hours that you forgot that you were still talking to Jake.

GT: Dirk my good fellow are you there?

GT: Is this your form of your weird irony or something?

GT: Oh bollocks if youre not going to reply ill just leave then!

TT: Oh, sorry.

TT: I forgot that I need to fix Brobot's arm, it's still a little bit too loose.

GT: Oh well alright then i'll leave you be.

GT: Have fun fixing that fellows arm!

golgothasTerror [GT] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

You lied about that, there's absolutely nothing wrong with Brobot's arm at all. You hit your head onto the desk repeatedly in shame. You couldn't help being a boy, you were just born that way! There was no hope of you and Jake getting together now. You turn over to look at Brobot who's lying against the wall with only the upper half of his body done. His eyes or rather glasses are looking straight at you as if he knows how you feel and it kind of seems like he's asking you, "Now what? Is it even worth finishing me?" You shake that thought out of your head, of course it will be worth it. Maybe after you're all finish with Brobot Jake will finally realize how great of a guy you are and then-! You look back onto the computer screen.

"if you were a girl"

That line just crushes your wonderful fantasy right there. You finally log out of pesterchum so that you don't have to look at that line anymore. A hatred for yourself goes throughout your whole body and you just want to stop being a boy.

Wait a second, who says you still have to be a boy? Maybe you can still somehow become a girl! It can't be that hard could it? All you have to do is have long hair and wear a skirt, right? That's not hard at all!

You quickly go through all of your drawers and take out someof your jeans and shirts. Then you open up one of your shelves to take out the sewing supplies you use to make your smuppets. You then start tearing up your jeans and sewing what was once the legs together. In the end you make yourself a lovely jean skirt, you gloat to yourself how wonderful it is indeed, now next is the skirt. You tear off the sleaves and sew on some lace to make a beautiful lacey tanktop. This is sort of girly, right? Your only idea of how girls your age dress is from what you saw what Jane and Roxy wear. You put on the clothes you made and they fit perfectly fine.

Now what's next? Oh yeah the hair. Your figure that your perfectly anime hair is too guy-ish, so you grab a comb and start brushing your hair. A chill goes down your spine, you never ever comb down your hair but this is an emergency. You continue doing this for half an hour until your hair is down next to your cheeks, you never realized how long your hair is until now. It's always been kept up above your head, just like in you animes.

Was that it? Nope you still have to put makeup on, except there's one problem. You don't have any. You decide to suck it up and ask Roxy if she can give you some. So you log back into pesterchum again and notice that Roxy is in fact online.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

TT: Hey Roxy, I need to ask you a favor.

TG: mmmm hey dirk

TG: waht is it

TT: Do you by any chance have some makeup I can borrow.

TT: It's an emergency.

TG: hahahaha WOHA WHTA

TG: u dirk stiredr

TG: need maekpu

TG: *makeup fcuk

TT: Shut up.

TT: It's for Lil' Cal, the little man needs to look beautiful for tonight.

TG: are u and teh pupet going out 4 a date or soemthnig

TT: Yeah whatever, let's leave it at that.

TT: Look can you just fucking transports the makeup to me with your new appearifier or whatever.

TG: okay mr. tightassie heer u go

And just like that a whole bunch of makeup appearified right in the middle of your floor. You go over to pick up and you smell alcohol in the air. Roxy must've dumped her wine all over the makeup before she transported it to you. You think that you pissed her off a little too much.

TT: Alright, it's here.

TT: And thanks Roxy, I really needed this.

TG: whateve

TG: u and the puppet can get it on 4 all i care

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

Now that that was taken care of you go into the bathroom to put on all of this makeup. You examine the pile of makeup that Roxy had sent you and it seemed she just sent the basic stuff: lipstick, eyeshadow, and some blush. You have no idea how to put this stuff on but you figure there's no better time to learn than right now. You carefully apply the black lipstick onto your lips. Fuck your hand is shaking way too much that you mess up and put way too much on, but it still looks somewhat okay. Next is the eyeshadow, it's a bright pink color which is Roxy's favorite color. Your favorite color is orange but there's no need to go back on and complain to Roxy about it, you'll just have to manage. Okay you put the eyeshadow on and it looks okay, lastly is the blush. You put the blish on until you have a bright red hue on your cheeks. You're all done! It's time to look in the mirror and see what you have accomplished.

It's terrible.

You look nothing like a girl at all.

The tanktop is too baggy and the skirt completely reveals your hairy ass legs, not to mention your messy hair just looks like someone rubbed your hair down and the complete mess of makeup makes you look like a clown. The worst part is your young muscular body is nowhere near feminine You punch the mirror so that it breaks and you don't have to look at yourself anymore.

You tear off all of the clothes and then grab a wet washcloth so that you can wipe off the filthy mess on your face. You're so ashamed of yourself now. What a dumb idea, why did you even think of doing this in the first place? Jake is never going to fall for you and you were crazy just thinking that he would.

You walk out of the bathroom and see Brobot still there except now he's turned his head from your desk and hes now looking back at you. Has he been watching you the whole time? He looks at you and two words appear on his glasses.

"It's. Okay."

They keep flashing on his glasses until the message finally sinks in. You walk over towards him and put your hand on shoulder and say to him, "Maybe your memory disk isn't fucking up after all."

You put your clothes that you originally had back on, then you proceed to grab a wrentch and walk back over to Brobot.

"Let's get you done. I'll make sure you'll be in perfect shape for Jake."


End file.
